Hard Places

A common phrase in the adoption world is that our children come from "hard places."  I think this is a good way to describe in two small words the huge divide that exists between the early months of children we parent from birth and children we don't begin to parent until months or even years after they are born. We can imagine and maybe even see these places with our eyes, but we never truly know all the loneliness, fear, and sorrow they experienced. Today we were able to visit some of our son's "hard places" and see for ourselves the orphanage where Carter spent the first year of his life.  We also went to his finding spot and it was all I could do not to fall apart right then and there. We aren't sharing with anyone but Carter exactly where this spot was, but it was important for me to be in that space with him for just a moment and try to imagine the pain and heartache his birth mother must have felt when she left him.  It was not an easy morning for any of us. Camdyn said it very well, "I felt so much sadness and we were only there for an hour. I can't imagine what it would feel like if that were my home."  

           At the entrance of the orphanage....

 Carter was at the Zhengzhou Civil Welfare Institute in the Lily Orphan Care Center, which is really just a few rooms inside the CWI that are sponsored by our adoption agency, CCAI. We visited these rooms and the Show Hope rooms but did not see many other parts of the orphanage. The Show Hope rooms are sponsored by Stephen Curtis Chapman and his wife's orphan care organization. I made it a special point to request we see those rooms because a friend I have met through Facebook is in the proccess of adopting two babies from those rooms. Interstingly, my friend lives in Memphis and these two little ones with special needs are also future LeBonheur patients!  Their caregivers where very pleased when I told them that I knew the doctors who would be taking care of them in America and that they were going to be in great hands when they got their medical care -in addition to their amazing family who just can't wait to bring them home. 

     Some of the babies in the LOCC. The baby on the left was full of smiles, it was precious!

I know that what we saw was the "nice" side of the orphanage because we were seeing rooms that are sponsored by non-profit groups that are able to provide more staff, more supplies, and more one on one care. Those babies were smiling and laughing and clean and instead of being left alone in their cribs, they were playing on a play mat on the floor. I know without having to see it with my eyes that this is not the case for babies in other rooms and on other floors. How Carter was picked to be one of the babies who was assigned there and not another regular room, I will never know.  It is very clear that the babies in these rooms are loved and cared for greatly. We brought photos and updates from some families who have adopted other children from the LOCC and it was amazing to see the joy on the nanny's faces as they looked at pictures of little ones that they had loved.  As soon as we walked in, they recognized him and began to talk to him. He was decidedly not happy to see them, though, and buried his face in my chest. Our guide, Rita, said because he is very bonded with us, he seemed afraid that we were going to leave him behind. He kept saying (in Chinese), "Mama, let's go! Let's go, mama!"  It wasn't until we left the building and went outside that he started smiling again but was still very fussy the entire van ride back to the hotel. Once we got out of the van he started giggling and immediately was back to his playful, affectionate self. 

              Carter got close and quiet.

     I think this Nanny almost cried when I showed her new photos of a little girl they say she loved like a daughter.  Her joy made Justin and I cry. 

Carter is amazing us every day with what he knows and how fast he learns. He can already say a handful of English words and is also learning some signs and gestures to get his point across. As in, he will point to his baseball hat, say "Mama" and then pat his head when he wants to wear his hat- which he loves to do whenever big brother is also wearing his baseball cap. 

Most of the time he is just in constant motion with a constant stream of Chinese toddler speak. Everything he does he thinks is hysterical and he looks at us to make sure we thinks it is hysterical, too. Today has been the first day where he has started to really try to play and be silly with my mom. We learned that in his foster home, he was mostly cared for (i.e. spoiled) by his foster grandmother whom he called "Nai Nai". So, we think that Nanny was just too close in age and name to the woman he has most been grieving for him to open up to her until now. But, you can tell that he has already figured out that Nanny might possibly be more fun than Mama and Baba. 

It's Friday and this is the first time he has let Nanny hold him. (Food may have been involved.)