Sweet and simple

If I told you that adding a third child, a busy and active toddler at that, to our family has brought more harmony and order to our home, you probably would think I was telling a lie. I know it sounds completely crazy, but it is true- I swear. I think that in the months leading up to our trip to China, we both naively assumed that adding a third child would be like going from juggling two balls to three. Not easy, but doable. What we realized shortly after we got home, however, was that all of the balls were not staying in the air. In fact, a lot of our old routines and ways of doing things were suddenly no longer an option. The first several weeks at home, when we were focused on establishing boundaries and a routine for Carter, forced us to see that we had never done a good job with any of those things before. We also saw that if our new family of five was going to survive, we needed to stop juggling all together. First, because children are not flying objects. Second, because living life at a frenetic pace wasn't good for anyone, most of all our little ones. 

Around this time I also discovered the book "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne which has almost revolutionized the way I think about parenting. 

Because the few simple changes we made at home have caused such a major shift in our family life, I thought I would share some of what we have tried. 

First: less is more. Less toys and less stuff mean less clutter and less mess. Kids get overwhelmed by too many toys that are out at eye level. It mentally distracts them and keeps them from being able to get lost in a world of play. And play is what children need in order to develop healthy minds. I spent weeks cleaning out clutter from every place I could find- the kids' rooms, cabinets, closets, basements, etc. My motto was, "If we don't use it, we don't need it."  Amazingly, it became easier and easier for us to keep things clean and semi-ordered at home. Even after an entire day of toddler mayhem, we could clean it all up with a family 3 minute "cleaning blitz."  

Second, kids won't argue with a written word. In order to keep up with our routines and provide better structure for our older two kids, we started writing down their schedules and their weekly chores on these organization boards-

I call this wall "Command Central"

 A close up of our chore chart magnets

We also came up with a weekly menu plan and put it in the kitchen-

What I didn't expect was just how much writing down the plans helped Camdyn and Charlie stop fighting the plans. If mommy tells them they have to clean their room today, mommy can be argued with and her weak spots exploited.  The chore chart doesn't listen to any arguments and has no sympathy for whining. The chores get done.  In the same way, having a meal plan makes family dinner both predictable and non-negotiable. Meals get eaten and not complained about. It is almost like magic. (Not to mention how much easier it is for Justin and myself to have a plan in place for every night of the week!)

Finally, if you build it they will read...or draw...or just be.  We have tried to give them more spaces in the house that are kid centered and serve a specific purpose. Like Carter's art table in the kitchen-

Though, to be honest, keeping markers within Carter's reach might not have been my smartest mom move ever:

We also turned a guest room into a study and reading room for Camdyn and Charlie. With all of the extra noise and activity that a toddler brought to the house, we saw that they needed a quiet place to get away for reading and homework. We let them pick out their own comfy reading chair for their study, which might not have been the best idea because more than once I have sent one of them in there with a book only to find them fast asleep in their chair an hour later. 

   

Sometimes more silliness than studiousness happens in the new study- 

 

  (Yes, that is underwear on his head.)

I am sharing all this not because I want people to think that we are super organized parents who always have our you-know-what together. Really, I have always felt like any semblance of structure and consistency at home were just out of reach and never quite attainable. However, I am learning slowly but surely that simplicity is a gift that allows all of us, parent and child, to thrive. This may seem like common sense to many super moms who have been running their homes like a well oiled machine for years, but for me- a chronically overwhelmed working mom who never feels like she can get anything done - I feel like I've found the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. 

And that is why having a third child has brought order to our home. (See, I told you I was telling the truth.)