A blur of laughter and fun
I am very ashamed that after just a month in our country he already knows the second we pull into a drive through and starts saying, "Eat! Please! Eat!" He understands if we ask the kids if they are hungry and will start to frantically say and sign, "Eat! Please! Eat!" My biggest fear is that someone will hear him and call social services because he begs for food so desperately that clearly we don't seem to be feeding this child enough.
I am also ashamed that it took less than two weeks at home for him to be totally and completely obsessed with Elmo, or as he calls him, "Melmo." And Bubble Guppies, or as he calls them "Buppies." On our eight hour drive to Tennessee he watched Bubble Guppies the entire way. Non-stop. I am NOT ashamed that I used a video screen to keep him entertained for so long. The alternative (being trapped in the car with a screaming toddler) would have been misery for all of us.
Our trip to visit family in Tennessee and Georgia has been great for lots of reasons but mostly because it has allowed us to see just how much progress we have made with his attachment. He no longer seems to be "mommy shopping" and treats new grown ups like any two year old would- by ignoring them as much as possible.
Short visit with my Aunt Shirley in GeorgiaHe loves his Nanny and Papa but clearly doesn't think they are there to replace his mom and dad.
We are the ones he goes to for comfort and security and food and kisses when he gets a boo-boo. (Every boo-boo requires we give a lot of sympathy kisses and much dramatic acknowledgement of his great suffering.) They are there for laughs and fun and I think he is starting to get the difference. We have still been careful about some things and only Justin and I are carrying him, feeding him, or changing him.
Posing and telling Papa to take his picture
Then insisting he take a picture of Papa
I love that my kids get to come to my parents' house and feed cows, gather eggs, and care for baby chicks.
Drying off a chick that got caught in a storm.
I love taking them up to the Ocoee river to go swimming in places only locals know about with names like "The Blue Hole."
I love that they get to go fishing with their Papa at his church, because Papa's church has a fish pond like all awesome churches should.
I love sending them outside with nothing but a ball and watching them play...
I always love coming home, but this trip with Carter has made me see it all again- the mountains, the cows, and the swing in the tree- through his eyes. To him, everything is wonderful and new and I know he senses the magic here that captured the hearts of his brother and sister when they were little, too.
I've also thought a lot about the beauty of having a home, a place you can always return to. A place where you can come with a weary heart and and leave feeling whole again. Home is a more than just a house (or in my case a modern day Green Acres.) Home is a sanctuary filled with security, comfort, acceptance and most of all, a deep sense of belonging. It is my parents and all the love that they have given me, embodied in one sacred space.
Every night since we've had him, I tell him these words while I rock him to sleep:
"I love you. God loves you, too. God has loved you since the beginning of time. Every second of every day you have always been loved. God loved you so much that God sent us all the way to China to get you and bring you home. Because this is your home, and we are your family, and you belong here with us. Mama loves you. Daddy loves you. Cammy loves you. Gugga loves you. Nanny and Papa love you. GG and Pa love you. We all love Carter."
I want him to know that love is what sent us looking for him and love is what ties us together, and more than anything, I want him to know that he belongs here with us, because adoption is more than just giving a child a new name, a new citizenship, or even a new family. Adoption is the gift of home.
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