Families

“A Father to the Fatherless, a defender of widows is God in His holy dwelling place.”

Last October, when Justin and I found Carter on our adoption agency’s waiting child list, we were given his file to review and asked to make a decision within two weeks.  Because all of the information in his file was over six months old, we asked for some updated information specifically about his growth and development.  We were told that they would ask his orphanage, but there was no guarantee that they would answer before our time limit was up.  We could tell from his photos that he was in the Lily Orphan Care Center and on the wall of his room there was a mural with the words, “A Father to the fatherless…” 

“A Father to the fatherless.”

 I knew that it was in a Psalm somewhere.  So I looked it up and did what I often do with scriptures, I held it in my heart, thinking about it from time to time.  I mentioned it to Justin.  “Isn’t that beautiful imagery? God is a Father to us all, especially those who have no father or no mother.” I think he might have said something like, “Yeah. That’s cool.”  Or maybe, “That’s a lot of masculine imagery.”   Sometimes scripture does that to me.  It gets right under my skin, makes me uncomfortable, stirs my heart, invades my thinking, and generally just won’t let me go until I stop and listen to whatever it is trying to tell me.  There’s usually a lesson I need to hear, a message I have never quite seen before. 

All this time we were also praying about this little boy named Guo.  Was he our son?  Would we get our answers in time?  How do we make a decision like this?  How do you say “No” or “Yes” to being parents to a child who so desperately needs a family?

I had been visiting a new church on my own for a few months and I was still uncomfortable being back in a loud music, hand raising, “happy clappy” church (to quote Sarah Bessey) and had not yet fully realized just how much my heart needed those exact things in order to begin the healing that it desperately needed.  On this Sunday, our waiting to make a decision Sunday, Justin was on fall break from SU chapel services, and was able to attend worship with me. 

After the end of the first song, the worship leader pulled a Bible out of his pocket, opened it up and began to read…

“Sing to God; sing in praise of his name,

extol him who rides on the clouds;

rejoice before him—his name is the Lord.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
    

is God in his holy dwelling.

The Lord sets the lonely in families.”  

                                                  Psalm 68:4-6

I looked at Justin the same time he looked at me.  “Did that really just happen?”

Yep.  It did.  We honestly did not know what to think.  Except, maybe God was hearing our prayers.  Sometimes, we don’t need answers from God or neon signs pointing us in the right direction.  Sometimes we need a whispered reassurance that we are not walking alone.  That is what that moment was for me, a whisper in my heart.  God was near.

Two days later we received the updates we requested.  We spoke with the specialists about his medical and developmental issues.  We prayed some more, and then we made the biggest leap of faith we had ever made. 

The Lord sets the lonely in families. 

Through all my doubts and fears and moments of total panic, I kept coming back to that Sunday in church and that small, but very real point in time when God was near.

The Lord sets the lonely in families.

Now here we are with a beautiful and brilliant son.  He is amazing.  Every day he becomes more and more comfortable here with us.  He knows how to tell us he wants to eat.  He has his favorite toys and books.  We have our special reading chair and our special snuggle chair.  He knows his sister is the one to go to if he wants potato chips.  He knows Daddy gives the best baths but Mama will put his lotion on just the right way.  He saw Charlie crying yesterday and walked over to comfort him by handing him a ball.  This is his family.  This is his home.  I think he knows it. 

The Lord sets the lonely in families.

So, this is it, little boy.  We are your family.  Your Mama who worries too much and doesn’t make you eat your vegetables like she should but will always be waiting to smother you with kisses. 

 Your Daddy who snores a lot and eats too much candy but who will always, always, always take care of you.

    (Daddy playing games on the stairs.)

   Your sister who will be bossy sometimes, but sweet almost always.

  Your brother who adores you almost as much as he loves yogurt drinks.

One day you will have to realize just how much our own crazy made you crazy. 

 Yes, your family is bigger than just the five of us.  Much, much bigger.  But we are the ones who are blessed to know you best, to care for you the most, and to stand closest to you through this journey we call life…until you are all grown up and decide to have a family of your own.  Family is life because it is also the place where love and grace should always be plenty.  I am so glad the Lord set you in ours.   

"A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in His holy dwelling place. The Lord sets the lonely in families."